Behind the Curtain
by thisisnotmybeautifulhouse
Summary: This is a collection of the very brief fics I wrote in reaction to episodes 4x04 through 4x12. The rating for this is for the final chapter, based on certain things that happened in 4x12.
1. Herald of a New Day

**This first piece was written right after watching 4x04. I wrote it prior to the release of any sort of information on episode 4x10, and I kind of gritted my teeth when I heard the title, because I knew people would think I had 'borrowed' the name for this little piece. **

**It's short but sweet, as all of the pieces in _Behind the Curtain_ will be. These were simply written as a way for me to process and deal with the events of season 4 - when I experience or see something that grasps my attention or evokes strong emotions, typically the best way for me to handle it is to write about whatever it is, hence the fics.  
**

A baby dragon. Could anything be more – well – _magical_, than that? And Aithusa would be beautiful, Merlin could already tell.

In spite of the disapproval Gaius made every attempt to express in regard to Merlin's actions, he could not bring himself to regret going against his mentor's wishes. Not when doing so brought this amazing little creature into the world. He did regret the death of Borden, if only because it was so senseless, and could have been avoided.

But the joy Kilgarah felt at the hatching of another of his kin could not be eclipsed, even by yet another truth which Arthur must not know until magic returned to the land. A new dragon which brought with it hope for the new era, hope that perhaps Merlin's time, magic's time, was coming.


	2. Redefining Normal

**I LOVED episode 4x07, and _that scene_ toward the end, between Merlin and Alator? I very nearly squeed _out loud_, it made me that happy. Has anyone seen _Tower Prep_? If you have, then think back to the scene where Connor kneels to Ian, and there you have it.**

For a moment, Merlin stared down at Alator's kneeling form and wondered at the bizarre and occasionally serendipitous turns his life often took. When the man before him had declared that he knew who Merlin was, his heart had come to an abrupt stop, and it only began to function normally again when Morgana lay on the floor in a crumpled heap. But now he needed to return to Camelot and ensure that Gaius recovered, as well as deal with a young and – at the moment – misguided king.

Merlin stepped forward and helped Alator to rise. "Not to me, friend. You must never bow to me. Thank you for helping me, but I must go. Will you be alright, after crossing Morgana?" Alator smirked in a conspiratorial manner.

"The High Priestess will not be able to find me again. The only reason she was able to come to me this time was because I wanted to be found. Rest easy, Emrys. No harm will come to me." Merlin sighed in relief and nodded, smiling slightly.

"If you ever need to contact me, you know where I can be found. Hopefully one day, we will be able to meet in the open." Oh, how dearly Merlin hoped. Having even one more person to share his burden with seemed to lighten the load, but he could not wait for the time when he could stand tall, unbowed by things long kept hidden.

"That is my hope as well, Emrys. Until we meet again." They shook hands firmly, and Merlin trudged swiftly but tiredly out of the cave. It was time to go home. Time to see his family. Time to return to life as normal, or what now passed for normal in the wake of Arthur's ascension to the throne.

Perhaps someday soon, there would be a new kind of normal to return to.


	3. Fester and Run

**This is just a short piece about what Merlin may have felt when things started going south in 4x08. The title comes from Hughes' "Dream Deferred".**

Sitting by the fire and poking it half-heartedly, the slick and oily magic oozed over his own and made the desire to retch nearly overwhelming. It gave a cloying, sickly pall to the air around them and left him constantly fighting the urge to either lash out or flee. This magic was unnatural – a perversion of the Old Religion, and Merlin could feel his dragonlord heritage rising up in outrage against this ancient evil, so diametrically opposed to the pure, earthy nature of his own power.

Every part of him screamed to end this, to wipe this scourge from the face of the earth, but he could not risk the knights or Gwen getting caught in the crossfire.

Shivers traveled down his spine at the thought of the knights. They were not themselves, and for the first time, he found himself truly uncomfortable among some of his closest friends. Just days before, Elyan had leapt to defend his honor and skill as a physician, and now the knight looked at him with nothing but caustic disdain. What was this girl, that she could turn his friends into such shadows of themselves? It was like the entire world had inverted, and only Gwen and Merlin remained unchanged, trapped in the center of it all.

As night crept upon them, Merlin could not shake the feeling that this was only the beginning.


	4. Our Dreams, But Ashes on My Tongue

**And a million fangirls cry out in anguish and grief.**

**This is my response to 4x09. Yes. _That_ episode. I hated almost every minute of the thoroughly botched Guinevere/Lancelot/Arthur triangle (why, show? it could have been so much better...), but I thought Colin was amazing in this episode, creeper moments not withstanding. Also, the return of his emo outfit, rocking the blue-shirt, blue-scarf look. Tre chic. Bradley also shone beautifully in this - I really got the sense that he felt like something was wrong with Lancelot from the beginning... some of those expressions...**

He watched the flames climb higher in the air as the tears fell further down his cheeks. How many friends would he have to bury before his work was done? The jagged hole in Merlin's heart, which had first opened with Will's sacrifice and continued to grow as the years came and went, taking more of his loved ones with them, opened wider still. He did not know how much longer he could endure such loss with so little comfort; his one consolation was that he had been able to bring Lancelot's soul peace before he passed back into the spirit world. If only he could find a way to bring that same peace to another soul, one even more dear…

He heaved a heart-weary sigh and turned back toward Camelot, which would feel even emptier now that Gwen and Lancelot were both unable to enter into its walls.


	5. This Bloodred Hand on My Soul

**I was in pretty experimental mood when I wrote this, and it definitely shows.**

**Anyway, this is based off of Merlin's second time in the shrine in 4x10._  
_**

_Pain._

_Confusion._

_Anger._

_Terror._

_The death of their last hope in the eyes of a lost boy with blond hair and blue eyes, chest emblazoned with a creature born of the very thing his people hated the most._

_Smoke and ash fluttering in the chill air, all that is left of a peaceful people, save for anguish and vengeful magic._

Merlin wants to scream, to wail, to run. One person could not endure such torment.

There is true evil here.


	6. This Dreadful Power

**This was written in response to what I have actually seen of 4x11 (I forwarded a lot. So sue me.) and it includes a bit of fanlore from the deleted material which I'm thinking ranks up there with the Shatner scene they cut from _STXI_... you know the one.**

Merlin ran his fingers over the little circle of metal and felt a vague sort of surprise that his fingers had not yet worn the image completely from its surface, worrying at it again and again in a vain attempt to soothe his tension-addled thoughts.

Arthur had given the sigil to Merlin in one of his darkest moments, but had gently refused all Merlin's efforts to return it.

Just last night, Merlin had left Ygraine's symbol on the cupboard beside his king's bed. Again.

This morning, it was on top of his own cupboard, and Arthur had given him a meaningful look when he brought a tray filled with his usual breakfast fare.

It gave Merlin hope that, in spite of the way their friendship suddenly felt so broken, they would find a way back to each other. He simply needed to let things happen on their own, and to stop trying to force the hands of fate.

If Arthur's happiness did not truly lay with Gwen, then he must find a way to respect that and let old dreams die. He had become so trapped in the hopes for their own destiny, that the idea of certain aspects of their lives being left to chance now left him cold and uncertain. After all, if Arthur was not destined to be with Gwen, then who save Merlin would stand by his side?

Would they always be alone?

Two men who, between them, had enough power to bring the world to kneel at their feet. But they were powerless to bring succor to their own souls.


	7. Providence

**This is just a little piece dealing with the lighter moments of the 4x12 banquet - or perhaps not, depending on you perspective.**

As Merlin eyed the slight softening of his friend's middle, a warmth settled in his stomach – a mix of pride for a job well done and affection for his King. In the weeks following the loss of his father, Arthur seldom allowed food to touch his lips, and clothes which once sat snugly upon his form began to hang.

Merlin, panicked, had appealed to the head cook on Arthur's behalf, and she grudgingly overcame her animosity toward the warlock to ensure the King's health.

Eventually, with the scheming of Merlin, the head cook, and ultimately George, Arthur had begun to return to his usual eating habits.

In the first few days after Gwen was banished, Merlin watched in dismay as Arthur began neglecting his meals again. Merlin had set out to fatten up his friend with a vengeance, and his feeding campaign seemed to finally be showing some true results.

"Ah! My favorite: herb-encrusted capon." Merlin had requested the dish specifically for that reason. He would do everything in his power to keep his friend in good health.

"Easy there now, we don't want any more holes in that belt." But Arthur certainly did not need to know that.


	8. Rise Above This you make me high

**This is a piece dealing with Arthur's reactions to the events of 4x12 - it's a little abstract, but I think it gets the point across.**

**I'll be frank - I don't_ like_ things that deal with dubious consent. The only reason I will ever write something that walks that fine line is that whatever fandom I'm writing for at the time actually makes that part of canon.  
**

_A steady throb of pain, augmented by anger and worry for his people, is interrupted by white-hot agony, mitigated only by softly spoken words from a well-loved voice, unintelligible but soothing. All he wants to do is find some way to rise above it all, and then suddenly, he is._

_He floats for a moment, caught between his own desires and some new presence in his mind, urging him to let go._

_And then – Merlin is there and all Arthur knows is_

_safe; with Merlin he will never have to worry_

_cared for; his friend will take care of everything_

_loved; Merlin will never leave him or hurt him_

_trust; he gives himself up to the one person who will never betray him._

When he emerges from the comforting fugue which shielded him from facing the events of the previous day, he remembers bits and pieces of his time living outside himself, giving up control and knowing that, just this once, it would be alright to let someone else figure everything out.

He thinks of Merlin, recalls the truths he spoke about Arthur's at times gruff demeanor, and then thinks of all the other ways that he has failed his friend recently.

Merlin knew, and he had shouted, had threatened exile – an impulse which was becoming all too reflexive these days, though with Merlin he never truly meant it – had discounted his most faithful friend's council with barely a thought, and all for blood.

But what has blood ever done for him?

For a brief moment, he longed to give up control for just a little while longer, to put off dealing with the emotions this latest tragedy engendered and simply have faith that Merlin will see them to whatever haven they now sought. And then he sets those feelings aside, as he so often has been forced to do in the months since his new crown became an uncomfortable weight upon his head.

Camelot may be lost to them for now, but he will find a way to take it back, to free his people from his treacherous sister's tyranny. That done, perhaps someday, he might let Merlin take care of him again, for an evening or even an entire night; a King must always be in control, but in the privacy of his chambers, he is just a man, and even the strongest men need to find peace.

**Rather than posting the piece I wrote following 4x13 in this set of fics, I plan on posting that in another set, as it's a dark AU of that episode, along with a companion piece. They're what sparked the collection _Ealdor Burning_ on Ao3, which my friends dorkathus and jelazakazone also wrote some lovely fics for.**


End file.
